Dealing with the complexity of rejection
The trajectory of my teenage and adolescent life was characterised by a cauldron of varied emotions edged in rejection. Going through the rollercoaster of trying to fit my square life into the expectations of others always resulted in disappointment. It is a tedious process when one is constantly expected to work so hard at gaining the approval of others and to be rejected based on someone else’s warped standards. While the rejection I experienced by others created the contours of my internal structures, it made me more determined to bid farewell to the harbour of other people’s discontent. It is within the harbour of discontent that vessels seek refuge from the battering storms of life, where one offloads precious cargo and entrust your heart to undeserving individuals where you anchor yourself in what makes others feel comfortable.
How on earth though does one break free from the burden of desperately seeking the approval of others? The question comes easily, but the determination to relinquish the opinion of others is far more challenging to triumph. There is an arrogance attached to the heart who expects others to align themselves to another’s unrealistic demands. Moreover, unless there is a transformation of the mind you will always tether on the brink of disaster. One cannot build your own happiness on the shifting sands of other people’s opinions. People will laugh at you today and mask talking behind your back. Yet, tomorrow they will find someone else to talk about. What they often do not consider is that somewhere in the shadows someone else is silently laughing at them.
The lifespan of rejection is determined by how long we allow others to have control over us. It thrives in lives where individuals have not fully explored the tremendous power lodged in solitude or one’s own company. Rejection, like cancer, eats away at the core of the human life, even if the external appearance seems to show the contrary. And for as long as rejection is present, it invites its evil companions like insecurity, low self-esteem, fear and worthlessness into the room. Once they have you all surrounded, they expect of you to pay a ransom which has left you emotionally bankrupt and inept to deal with the complexities of life.
We often wane away in the corridors of life where we see seasons come and go, but never clothe ourselves with our own garments. Instead, we fashion our lives according to the constructs and patterns of someone else’s making. It is once we have mustered to courage to break free from the manipulations of others that we turn heads and people get to see the authenticity of our true self. What makes us audacious is knowing how to harness who we are in relation to the clear boundaries we have established with those who perceive themselves to be influencers in our lives.
A telling sign that we have made it past the gate of other people’s opinion is when we can hold true to our true north and not be deterred by the colours in which people paint us. When we can live our lives devoid of feeling the need to correct or confront others, then we have embarked on a new journey. It is when we understand who we are and that our actions speak louder than the multiplication of our words, that we are well on our way. Often, explaining to others who we are provides them with a false sense that we owe them an explanation. I am speaking to you right now. There is a difference in being accountable to someone and having to answer to someone who feels entitled and is grossly self-appointed.
Once you grace the pathway to self-discovery, you open yourself to a life of endless possibilities. Liberation of the true self facilitates the possibility of reaching one’s destiny. For some, like myself, it is my deep-rooted spiritual connections to God which has allowed me to make traction from a pathway to a suburban road and ultimately brought me onto a highway which holds the promise of reaching my destiny. There are moments when for a moment I must look over my shoulder to check the blind spot of yesterday. Yet, my gaze is not a permanent stare – it is merely to understand how far I have travelled from the place which was determined to keep me bound. I can confidently say that I will never go back. In fact, I have purposed in my heart to not leave others behind, but to invite them to journey with me. I am not seeking followers. I am motivating others to travel with me on a voyage which is not scripted by others.
